26 Prison Chronicles.
My visit to a Maximum Security Prison in California.
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The Visit
I don’t have enough time or energy to formulate a full article, so I will share with you notes on my trip so far.
Thursday, March 21
I’m here at the airport at 4AM, waiting to get on the plane to California. A sense of anxiety and excitement is rushing over me as I anticipate how the next three days are going to go. Did I pack the right clothes? Did I bring enough money? I have strict instructions for getting Samuel two cheesecakes, one chocolate milk and a fruity drink. He requested Pizza, but I told him he’s gonna have to wait. My anxiety doesn’t allow me to confidently move around that freely in this new environment. I will land in Fresno at 12:30 PM to begin my two-hour drive into the middle of nowhere. But honestly, winter has been swallowing me whole for months now, so at least I'm going to be escaping the Toronto snow squalls and fly into the California sun to finally feel some sort of heat on my skin.
7 AM
I’m 30,000 feet into the sky, and I’m greeted with my first experience with real sun. The sunrise cuts through the window behind me and I lift my hand to allow the orange reflection to kiss my skin. I’ve been craving this sunrise for so long. I’m so close to California.
4 PM
I have just arrived at my airbnb. My first instinct is to take off my clothes and lay next to the pool. I’m exhausted and I want this sun to burn me.
Friday, March 22
Good morning, the sounds of roosters crowing and doves cooing has woken me up. I made myself a coffee and am sitting outside listening to the sounds of water flowing from the fountain, and the smell of jasmine flowers, is making me feel at ease. It’s brisk out this morning. I sit here staring at the time. In one hour I will be making my way to the prison to see Samuel.
Friday, March 23
Random thoughts and notes from today:
-Press *10 for a Daily Blessing and Prayer, Press *12 to find a job
-A cockroach ran across the wall. Yuck.
-Run your fingers along your hair
-High Voltage: Don’t touch the fence
-Where am I going, the prison grounds look exactly like Samuel described
-I wonder if all these incarcerated people can see me through the slots of their window?
-A lizard ran into the visiting room... I wonder if anyone else can see it?
-The officer told me my shirt was too short and now I feel self conscious
-Everyone’s hands here are so beautiful and hold so many stories
-A child is screaming “Daddy no,” as a father is being escorted back into the facility
-Time is moving faster than usual
-Sensory overload
I’m going to bed, that was a lot to process.
Saturday, March 23
5PM
So far, I’ve spent 14 hours in a Maximum Security Prison’s visitation room and to say I’m exhausted is an understatement. It’s a lot, and I don’t even know where to begin. Instead of exploring California, I sit here in my airbnb, wrapped in two blankets, trying to process the past two days. My body is shivering and aching, and I’m trying to settle my stomach, which has been in a knot for hours. I still have another day of this tomorrow. I need to be stronger than I currently feel.
I know I tend to put myself in situtations I don’t need to be in, and I know I voluntarily put myself in a position to bear witness to all of this. But there is something important and I just have to sit with it for a minute. Maybe soon I’ll be able to come up with something a little more descriptive to share with you all.
What I do know for sure, is that when Samuel tells me that I have changed his life, and that my friendship has moved mountains for him, and I constantly brush it off and tell him he’s being dramatic - I now see why he says it. And that’s a lot of responsibility for one to carry, but it means something. Something profound. Although, he may be the toughest man you’ll ever meet, he can easily be broken like a porcelain figurine and that’s a lot of power to hold.
—
I will share the intro to our next incarcerated individual’s story and when I find the right words, I will share my experience.
INSIDE
INSIDE gives incarcerated individuals making positive changes, a voice outside.
You have a prepaid call from Alex ****** an incarcerated individual at the Kern Valley State Prison, Delano, California. This call and your telephone number will be monitored and recorded. You have a prepaid call, you'll not be charged for this call. To accept this call, say or dial five. Thank you for using Global Telelink.
Magida: Hello?
Alex: Yes, Ma’am, hi, hello.
Magida: It’s nice to finally get to meet you, I hear so many great things about you from Samuel.
Alex: Likewise, I really do just want to say I appreciate what you do for my cellie, it's rare to actually find someone in prison that has a big ass heart the way he does. And also to you. You're giving a voice to prisoners, and giving us that opportunity to show that we are human beings. People tend to have preconceived notions about us as it is, but I just wanted to say thank you.
Magida: Your welcome, I think. I mean, we didn't really know where this was going, and I feel like we still don't really know where it's going, but thank you for trusting us and wanting to see if you’d like to be a part of all of this. So, I don't want you to feel rushed, we can talk for as long as you want, and revisit this conversation multiple times after today. If at any point you want to call it quits, that's okay too. I just want you to feel that you have control over this situation, and it’s in your hands.
Alex: Okay. Yes, ma'am.
Magida: Can you stop calling me ma’am?
Alex: Sorry, Ma’am. Uh I mean, Sorry. It's a force of habit, my grandma instilled that in me at a very young age. But yes, okay. I understand.
Magida: I mean, if it makes you more comfortable go ahead. It just feels a little authoritarian and I don’t wanna be like that.
Alex: Oh, okay. Sorry.
Magida: So, I don't know anything about your personal life. Do you want to just start from the beginning?
Alex: Yes, alright.
Next week we begin sharing the life of Inmate #Axx14 (Alex)…
I love this. Thank you for sharing it. I think the thing I am always struck with (your friendship with Sammy) is the amount of responsibility you have... which you mention here: "What I do know for sure, is that when Samuel tells me that I have changed his life, and that my friendship has moved mountains for him, and I constantly brush it off and tell him he’s being dramatic - I now see why he says it. And that’s a lot of responsibility for one to carry, but it means something. Something profound."
I often think about my brother and feel a sense of urgency, and feel... "I need to fix this" bubble up within me. But literally this morning I was like, "He's NOT my responsibility. He's a grown ass person who needs to know that change comes from himself. I can only encourage him and be there for him until he reaches that point."
I know our situations are different because my brother is my family and I can't help but to feel like I am his third parent. I know Sammy is profoundly changed himself and wants to continue growing, and the impact you've had on his life is so sacred. But sometimes, I wonder what all of this means for people like us... where we are empathetic to their daily plight of being locked up, and want to be there for them as much as we can without completely overwhelming ourselves in the process.